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Crackleport's latest challenge

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Greetings Pembletoneers. It is 'I' Albert Crackleport…….at least 3 times retired from all things Pembleton but still feeling capable of making that last comeback. Knowing I still had life in me I needed to attempt a challenge that would rock Pembletoneering to the very core.

Yes indeed, I knew the grains of sand were running through the hour glass for the last time…….My time was nearly done……….The young Pembly upstarts were making their mark. Tales of derring-do in previous ePAGs were pushing boundaries of motoring endurance to unbelievable height………

How could an 'old has been' ensure that he left his mark for ever in Pembleton history? It was now or never…….

Read on…….for was my plan. A plan of unknown dangers, of extreme endurance, of navigational excellence……, of total madness…….

Who has heard of the Dusk till Dawn Challenge?

Not a new idea……... few have set off………..fewer have reached their destination.

The idea is to watch the sun set on the west coast and then speed across country through the dead of night and watch the sun rise on the East coast. I read about such an attempt in a classic bike club magazine. It lit a fire within me, for I would do such a challenge before any other Pembletoneer and claim the honours and whatever riches I could make from the publicity

I dare not tell anyone for fear of being 'trumped'. No, this was a mission that had 'Top Secret' written all over it……

The sands running through the hour glass ? That was time that was slipping by before my good friend Koen Guekens came back to Blighty and collected his L.B.P. (Little Belgium Pem). I was keeping LBP safe for him after it's MSVA. To give myself the maximum challengeness I decided to attempt the run as near to mid-summers day as possible………longest day…….but shortest night !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My westerly point would be overlooking Lake Windermere from the Kirkstone Pass. My Easterly point would be the cliff tops overlooking Filey Brig. The run between would be through some of most driveable roads of North Yorkshire taking in Masham, Ripon, Sutton Bank, and the North Yorkshire Moors.

Also out of retirement would be my co-pilot/navigator the Baroness Von Battenburg. How could a chap attempt such a momentous undertaking on his own… - impossible !

Vehicle preparation ? Hey, this machine has been built using Belgium's finest metals and salvaged scrap. What could be added? None the less, the boot space was crammed full of tools, ignition parts, waterproofs, camp stove and tinned soups…… - let's go !

It would have been a shame to go to the Lake District and not saviour the experience (and make a day of it) ……So first off, we crossed Lake Windermere on the ferry,

Real ale, soup and a roll for lunch at The Kings Arms Hawkshead was just the ticket before continuing our journey deeper into Cumbria. I saw it as my duty to educate L.B.P in the wonderful beauty of the Lakeland scenery……Perhaps this would be the only visit before heading homeward into Euroland……. As we travelled the highways and byways it was amazing how many people waved and wanted to chat…..High in the mountains we were approached by a guy running down the road in his bare feet…….he had seen us approach and jumped out of a VW camper…….."Hey, I think Pembletons are the coolest kit car ever !" he blurted out as we shook hands. I'm Albert Crackleport I replied………….."YOU ARE ALBERT CRACKLEPORT ? WOW ! PLEASED TO MEET YOU"……..and with that he was gone……back to his camper ….

Hey, How good was that?

So while L.B.P. was experiencing the up and downness of hills (for there are no hills in Belgium) the Baroness and myself were experiencing the local pies !

Dusk was becoming……..before our journey there was a final refuelling stop at The Kirkstone Pass Inn (sampling a special brew of Kirkstone Inn dark mild) and then onto our start point, a wonderful vantage point looking over Lake Windermere.

Waiting for the sun to set is not a task that can be hurried……Little did I know the consequences of this small but significant vehicle check I performed as I waited and waited for the moment when day turned to night. At what point is that? I had decided it was lighting up time quoted by the official voice of Blighty ….

the most trustworthy of sources………the BBC ! ….

L.B.P. Checked out ok…apart from one loose plug??????? Loose??????? Strange but not unheard of??????

21.45p.m. The start of the biggest Pembleton Challenge ever ! Your Uncle Albert was starting his journey into immortality……………motoring folklore…………..far bigger than 'The Long Way Round' This was going to be 'The Dark Way Across' (Buy the video at all good HMV stores)

We're off…………down the Kirkstone Pass we dropped, by hell it was cold once the sun vanished……..Midsummer? Thankful for the full weather gear we had brought we gunned L.B.P. into the darkness…………………the headlight I had re-silvered with Alcan-foil playing a major part in keeping us safely on the tarmac……(just)

Then………and with no warning there was an almighty bang ! All power was lost…………….and LB.P. came coasting to a standstill with a splutter………

My heart sank for I knew what it was without getting out of the cockpit, the deathly sound of lost compression…………….. phutphutphutphutphutphut!!!!!!!

The Baroness was silent (for once)……she knew the end was nigh.

It would have been miraculous if the spark plug that dangled on the end of the HT lead would have screwed securely back into its orifice. It didn't.

The thread was stripped………………Albert was stranded in the dark ……… with a wounded L.B.P..

Never have I returned to base on a breakdown truck………………if anything could be recovered from this disaster it would be the Crackleport pride.

Rule No1 - Never travel without an elasticated bungy. For this dear reader and I kid you not was good enough to hold the spark plug against the almighty compression of Citroens finest boxer and enable all involved to journey slowly homeward………

Challenge abandoned…… but a home run of 65miles completed with emergency elastic strapping.

It is with much sadness and regret that I announce that your Uncle Albert never completed the Dusk till Dawn Challenge in a Pembleton….

Maybe another (younger) Pembletoneer can take up this monumentous undertaking……

'I' Albert Crackleport may see you on the road because I ain't quitting this one………………… gonna try do it on a moped next time……

Cost of repairs ? A piggy bank busting £6 for a thread insert kit off ebay…...

What did Koen say about the mechanical damage to his beloved L.B.P.………………………….He doesn't know……………………..(Whoops, He does now!)

Carry on Pembling - Albert Crackleport


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